The Taming of the Shrew

by William Shakespeare

Act IV - Scene I Petruchio's Country House

Enter GRUMIO

  GRUMIO. Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
all
    foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray'd? Was
    ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they
are
    coming after to warm them. Now were not I a little pot and
soon
    hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the
roof
    of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a
fire to
    thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself; for,
    considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold.
    Holla, ho! Curtis!
Enter CURTIS

  CURTIS. Who is that calls so coldly?
  GRUMIO. A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from
my
    shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my
    neck. A fire, good Curtis.
  CURTIS. Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
  GRUMIO. O, ay, Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no
    water.
  CURTIS. Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
  GRUMIO. She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou
know'st
    winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tam'd my old
    master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.
  CURTIS. Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
  GRUMIO. Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot, and so
long
    am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I
complain
    on thee to our mistress, whose hand- she being now at hand-
thou
    shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy
hot
    office?
  CURTIS. I prithee, good Grumio, tell me how goes the world?
  GRUMIO. A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and
    therefore fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master
and
    mistress are almost frozen to death.
  CURTIS. There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the
news?
  GRUMIO. Why, 'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and as much news as thou
wilt.
  CURTIS. Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
  GRUMIO. Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
    Where's the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimm'd, rushes
    strew'd, cobwebs swept, the serving-men in their new fustian,
    their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment
on?
    Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without, the carpets
    laid, and everything in order?
  CURTIS. All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
  GRUMIO. First know my horse is tired; my master and mistress
fall'n
    out.
  CURTIS. How?
  GRUMIO. Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a
    tale.
  CURTIS. Let's ha't, good Grumio.
  GRUMIO. Lend thine ear.
  CURTIS. Here.
  GRUMIO. There. [Striking him]
  CURTIS. This 'tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
  GRUMIO. And therefore 'tis call'd a sensible tale; and this
cuff
    was but to knock at your car and beseech list'ning. Now I
begin:
    Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind
my
    mistress-
  CURTIS. Both of one horse?
  GRUMIO. What's that to thee?
  CURTIS. Why, a horse.
  GRUMIO. Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not cross'd me, thou
    shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her
horse;
    thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was
    bemoil'd, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he
beat me
    because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to
    pluck him off me, how he swore, how she pray'd that never
pray'd
    before, how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle
was
    burst, how I lost my crupper- with many things of worthy
memory,
    which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return
unexperienc'd to
    thy grave.
  CURTIS. By this reck'ning he is more shrew than she.
  GRUMIO. Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
find
    when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth
    Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and
the
    rest; let their heads be sleekly comb'd, their blue coats
brush'd
    and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them curtsy
with
    their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair of my
master's
    horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?
  CURTIS. They are.
  GRUMIO. Call them forth.
  CURTIS. Do you hear, ho? You must meet my master, to
countenance my
    mistress.
  GRUMIO. Why, she hath a face of her own.
  CURTIS. Who knows not that?
  GRUMIO. Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance
her.
  CURTIS. I call them forth to credit her.
  GRUMIO. Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Enter four or five SERVINGMEN

  NATHANIEL. Welcome home, Grumio!
  PHILIP. How now, Grumio!
  JOSEPH. What, Grumio!
  NICHOLAS. Fellow Grumio!
  NATHANIEL. How now, old lad!
  GRUMIO. Welcome, you!- how now, you!- what, you!- fellow, you!-
and
    thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all
ready,
    and all things neat?
  NATHANIEL. All things is ready. How near is our master?
  GRUMIO. E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not-
   Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.
Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA

  PETRUCHIO. Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
    To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
    Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
  ALL SERVANTS. Here, here, sir; here, sir.
  PETRUCHIO. Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
    You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
    What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
    Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
  GRUMIO. Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
  PETRUCHIO. YOU peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
    Did I not bid thee meet me in the park
    And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
  GRUMIO. Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
    And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' th' heel;
    There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
    And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing;
    There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
    The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
    Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
  PETRUCHIO. Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in.
                                   Exeunt some of the SERVINGMEN
    [Sings] Where is the life that late I led?
             Where are those-
Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud!

Re-enter SERVANTS with supper

    Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
    Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?
    [Sings] It was the friar of orders grey,
             As he forth walked on his way-
    Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry;
    Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.
                                                   [Strikes him]
    Be merry, Kate. Some water, here, what, ho!
Enter one with water

    Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
    And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
                                                 Exit SERVINGMAN
    One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with.
    Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
    Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
    You whoreson villain! will you let it fall? [Strikes him]
  KATHERINA. Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
  PETRUCHIO. A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
    Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
    Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?
    What's this? Mutton?
  FIRST SERVANT. Ay.
  PETRUCHIO. Who brought it?
  PETER. I.
  PETRUCHIO. 'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
    What dogs are these? Where is the rascal cook?
    How durst you villains bring it from the dresser
    And serve it thus to me that love it not?
    There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;
                                [Throws the meat, etc., at them]
    You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!
    What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
                                                 Exeunt SERVANTS
  KATHERINA. I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet;
    The meat was well, if you were so contented.
  PETRUCHIO. I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away,
    And I expressly am forbid to touch it;
    For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
    And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
    Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
    Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
    Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended.
    And for this night we'll fast for company.
    Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber. Exeunt
Re-enter SERVANTS severally

  NATHANIEL. Peter, didst ever see the like?
  PETER. He kills her in her own humour.
Re-enter CURTIS

  GRUMIO. Where is he?
  CURTIS. In her chamber. Making a sermon of continency to her,
    And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
    Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak.
    And sits as one new risen from a dream.
    Away, away! for he is coming hither. Exeunt
Re-enter PETRUCHIO

  PETRUCHIO. Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
    And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
    My falcon now is sharp and passing empty.
    And till she stoop she must not be full-gorg'd,
    For then she never looks upon her lure.
    Another way I have to man my haggard,
    To make her come, and know her keeper's call,
    That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
    That bate and beat, and will not be obedient.
    She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
    Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
    As with the meat, some undeserved fault
    I'll find about the making of the bed;
    And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
    This way the coverlet, another way the sheets;
    Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
    That all is done in reverend care of her-
    And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night;
    And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
    And with the clamour keep her still awake.
    This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,
    And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
    He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
    Now let him speak; 'tis charity to show.

Exeunt