Tartuffe; or, The Hypocrite

by Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (Moliere)

ACT II

SCENE I

ORGON, MARIANE

  ORGON
  Now, Mariane.
  MARIANE
  Yes, father?
  ORGON
  Come; I'll tell you
  A secret.
  MARIANE
  Yes … What are you looking for?
  ORGON (looking into a small closet-room)
  To see there's no one there to spy upon us;
  That little closet's mighty fit to hide in.
  There! We're all right now. Mariane, in you
  I've always found a daughter dutiful
  And gentle. So I've always love you dearly.
  MARIANE
  I'm grateful for your fatherly affection.
  ORGON
  Well spoken, daughter. Now, prove you deserve it
  By doing as I wish in all respects.
  MARIANE
  To do so is the height of my ambition.
  ORGON
  Excellent well. What say you of—Tartuffe?
  MARIANE
  Who? I?
  ORGON
  Yes, you. Look to it how you answer.
  MARIANE
  Why! I'll say of him—anything you please.
SCENE II

  ORGON, MARIANE, DORINE (coming in quietly and standing behind
  Orgon, so that he does not see her)
  ORGON
  Well spoken. A good girl. Say then, my daughter,
  That all his person shines with noble merit,
  That he has won your heart, and you would like
  To have him, by my choice, become your husband.
  Eh?
  MARIANE
  Eh?
  ORGON
  What say you?
  MARIANE
  Please, what did you say?
  ORGON
  What?
  MARIANE
  Surely I mistook you, sir?
  ORGON
  How now?
  MARIANE
  Who is it, father, you would have me say
  Has won my heart, and I would like to have
  Become my husband, by your choice?
  ORGON
  Tartuffe.
  MARIANE
  But, father, I protest it isn't true!
  Why should you make me tell this dreadful lie?
  ORGON
  Because I mean to have it be the truth.
  Let this suffice for you: I've settled it.
  MARIANE
  What, father, you would … ?
  ORGON
  Yes, child, I'm resolved
  To graft Tartuffe into my family.
  So he must be your husband. That I've settled.
  And since your duty ..
  (Seeing Dorine)
  What are you doing there?
  Your curiosity is keen, my girl,
  To make you come eavesdropping on us so.
  DORINE
  Upon my word, I don't know how the rumour
  Got started—if 'twas guess-work or mere chance
  But I had heard already of this match,
  And treated it as utter stuff and nonsense.
  ORGON
  What! Is the thing incredible?
  DORINE
  So much so
  I don't believe it even from yourself, sir.
  ORGON
  I know a way to make you credit it.
  DORINE
  No, no, you're telling us a fairly tale!
  ORGON
  I'm telling you just what will happen shortly.
  DORINE
  Stuff!
  ORGON
  Daughter, what I say is in good earnest.
  DORINE
  There, there, don't take your father seriously;
  He's fooling.
  ORGON
  But I tell you …
  DORINE
  No. No use.
  They won't believe you.
  ORGON
  If I let my anger …
  DORINE
  Well, then, we do believe you; and the worse
  For you it is. What! Can a grown-up man
  With that expanse of beard across his face
  Be mad enough to want …?
  ORGON
  You hark me:
  You've taken on yourself here in this house
  A sort of free familiarity
  That I don't like, I tell you frankly, girl.
  DORINE
  There, there, let's not get angry, sir, I beg you.
  But are you making game of everybody?
  Your daughter's not cut out for bigot's meat;
  And he has more important things to think of.
  Besides, what can you gain by such a match?
  How can a man of wealth, like you, go choose
  A wretched vagabond for son-in-law?
  ORGON
  You hold your tongue. And know, the less he has,
  The better cause have we to honour him.
  His poverty is honest poverty;
  It should exalt him more than worldly grandeur,
  For he has let himself be robbed of all,
  Through careless disregard of temporal things
  And fixed attachment to the things eternal.
  My help may set him on his feet again,
  Win back his property—a fair estate
  He has at home, so I'm informed—and prove him
  For what he is, a true-born gentleman.
  DORINE
  Yes, so he says himself. Such vanity
  But ill accords with pious living, sir.
  The man who cares for holiness alone
  Should not so loudly boast his name and birth;
  The humble ways of genuine devoutness
  Brook not so much display of earthly pride.
  Why should he be so vain? … But I offend you:
  Let's leave his rank, then,—take the man himself:
  Can you without compunction give a man
  Like him possession of a girl like her?
  Think what a scandal's sure to come of it!
  Virtue is at the mercy of the fates,
  When a girl's married to a man she hates;
  The best intent to live an honest woman
  Depends upon the husband's being human,
  And men whose brows are pointed at afar
  May thank themselves their wives are what they are.
  For to be true is more than woman can,
  With husbands built upon a certain plan;
  And he who weds his child against her will
  Owes heaven account for it, if she do ill.
  Think then what perils wait on your design.
  ORGON (to Mariane)
  So! I must learn what's what from her, you see!
  DORINE
  You might do worse than follow my advice.
  ORGON
  Daughter, we can't waste time upon this nonsense;
  I know what's good for you, and I'm your father.
  True, I had promised you to young Valere;
  But, first, they tell me he's inclined to gamble,
  And then, I fear his faith is not quite sound.
  I haven't noticed that he's regular
  At church.
  DORINE
  You'd have him run there just when you do.
  Like those who go on purpose to be seen?
  ORGON
  I don't ask your opinion on the matter.
  In short, the other is in Heaven's best graces,
  And that is riches quite beyond compare.
  This match will bring you every joy you long for;
  'Twill be all steeped in sweetness and delight.
  You'll live together, in your faithful loves,
  Like two sweet children, like two turtle-doves;
  You'll never fail to quarrel, scold, or tease,
  And you may do with him whate'er you please.
  DORINE
  With him? Do naught but give him horns, I'll warrant.
  ORGON
  Out on thee, wench!
  DORINE
  I tell you he's cut out for't;
  However great your daughter's virtue, sir,
  His destiny is sure to prove the stronger.
  ORGON
  Have done with interrupting. Hold your tongue.
  Don't poke your nose in other people's business.
  DORINE (She keeps interrupting him, just as he turns and starts
  to speak to his daughter).
  If I make bold, sir, 'tis for your own good.
  ORGON
  You're too officious; pray you, hold your tongue.
  DORINE
  'Tis love of you …
  ORGON
  I want none of your love.
  DORINE
  Then I will love you in your own despite.
  ORGON
  You will, eh?
  DORINE
  Yes, your honour's dear to me;
  I can't endure to see you made the butt
  Of all men's ridicule.
  ORGON
  Won't you be still?
  DORINE
  'Twould be a sin to let you make this match.
  ORGON
  Won't you be still, I say, you impudent viper!
  DORINE
  What! you are pious, and you lose your temper?
  ORGON
  I'm all wrought up, with your confounded nonsense;
  Now, once for all, I tell you hold your tongue.
  DORINE
  Then mum's the word; I'll take it out in thinking.
  ORGON
  Think all you please; but not a syllable
  To me about it, or … you understand!
  (Turning to his daughter.)
  As a wise father, I've considered all
  With due deliberation.
  DORINE
  I'll go mad
  If I can't speak.
  (She stops the instant he turns his head.)
  ORGON
  Though he's no lady's man,
  Tartuffe is well enough …
  DORINE
  A pretty phiz!
  ORGON
  So that, although you may not care at all
  For his best qualities …
  DORINE
  A handsome dowry!
  (Orgon turns and stands in front of her, with arms folded, eyeing
  her.)
  Were I in her place, any man should rue it
  Who married me by force, that's mighty certain;
  I'd let him know, and that within a week,
  A woman's vengeance isn't far to seek.
  ORGON (to Dorine)
  So—nothing that I say has any weight?
  DORINE
  Eh? What's wrong now? I didn't speak to you.
  ORGON
  What were you doing?
  DORINE
  Talking to myself.
  ORGON
  Oh! Very well. (Aside.) Her monstrous impudence
  Must be chastised with one good slap in the face.
  (He stands ready to strike her, and, each time he speaks to his
  daughter, he glances toward her; but she stands still and says not a
  word.) [3]
[Footnote 3: As given at the Comedie francaise, the action is as follows: While Orgon says, "You must approve of my design," Dorine is making signs to Mariane to resist his orders; Orgon turns around suddenly; but Dorine quickly changes her gesture and with the hand which she had lifted calmly arranges her hair and her cap. Orgon goes on, "Think of the husband …" and stops before the middle of his sentence to turn and catch the beginning of Dorine's gesture; but he is too quick this time, and Dorine stands looking at his furious countenance with a sweet and gentle expression. He turns and goes on, and the obstinate Dorine again lifts her hand behind his shoulder to urge Mariane to resistance: this time he catches her; but just as he swings his shoulder to give her the promised blow, she stops him by changing the intent of her gesture, and carefully picking from the top of his sleeve a bit of fluff which she holds carefully between her fingers, then blows into the air, and watches intently as it floats away. Orgon is paralysed by her innocence of expression, and compelled to hide his rage.—Regnier, Le Tartuffe des Comediens.]

  ORGON
  Daughter, you must approve of my design….
  Think of this husband … I have chosen for you…
  (To Dorine)
  Why don't you talk to yourself?
  DORINE
  Nothing to say.
  ORGON
  One little word more.
  DORINE
  Oh, no, thanks. Not now.
  ORGON
  Sure, I'd have caught you.
  DORINE
  Faith, I'm no such fool.
  ORGON
  So, daughter, now obedience is the word;
  You must accept my choice with reverence.
  DORINE (running away)
  You'd never catch me marrying such a creature.
  ORGON (swinging his hand at her and missing her)
  Daughter, you've such a pestilent hussy there
  I can't live with her longer, without sin.
  I can't discuss things in the state I'm in.
  My mind's so flustered by her insolent talk,
  To calm myself, I must go take a walk.
SCENE III

MARIANE, DORINE

  DORINE
  Say, have you lost the tongue from out your head?
  And must I speak your role from A to Zed?
  You let them broach a project that's absurd,
  And don't oppose it with a single word!
  MARIANE
  What can I do? My father is the master.
  DORINE
  Do? Everything, to ward off such disaster.
  MARIANE
  But what?
  DORINE
  Tell him one doesn't love by proxy;
  Tell him you'll marry for yourself, not him;
  Since you're the one for whom the thing is done,
  You are the one, not he, the man must please;
  If his Tartuffe has charmed him so, why let him
  Just marry him himself—no one will hinder.
  MARIANE
  A father's rights are such, it seems to me,
  That I could never dare to say a word.
  DORINE
  Came, talk it out. Valere has asked your hand:
  Now do you love him, pray, or do you not?
  MARIANE
  Dorine! How can you wrong my love so much,
  And ask me such a question? Have I not
  A hundred times laid bare my heart to you?
  Do you know how ardently I love him?
  DORINE
  How do I know if heart and words agree,
  And if in honest truth you really love him?
  MARIANE
  Dorine, you wrong me greatly if you doubt it;
  I've shown my inmost feelings, all too plainly.
  DORINE
  So then, you love him?
  MARIANE
  Yes, devotedly.
  DORINE
  And he returns your love, apparently?
  MARIANE
  I think so.
  DORINE
  And you both alike are eager
  To be well married to each other?
  MARIANE
  Surely.
  DORINE
  Then what's your plan about this other match?
  MARIANE
  To kill myself, if it is forced upon me.
  DORINE
  Good! That's a remedy I hadn't thought of.
  Just die, and everything will be all right.
  This medicine is marvellous, indeed!
  It drives me mad to hear folk talk such nonsense.
  MARIANE
  Oh dear, Dorine you get in such a temper!
  You have no sympathy for people's troubles.
  DORINE
  I have no sympathy when folk talk nonsense,
  And flatten out as you do, at a pinch.
  MARIANE
  But what can you expect?—if one is timid?—
  DORINE
  But what is love worth, if it has no courage?
  MARIANE
  Am I not constant in my love for him?
  Is't not his place to win me from my father?
  DORINE
  But if your father is a crazy fool,
  And quite bewitched with his Tartuffe? And breaks
  His bounden word? Is that your lover's fault?
  MARIANE
  But shall I publicly refuse and scorn
  This match, and make it plain that I'm in love?
  Shall I cast off for him, whate'er he be,
  Womanly modesty and filial duty?
  You ask me to display my love in public … ?
  DORINE
  No, no, I ask you nothing. You shall be
  Mister Tartuffe's; why, now I think of it,
  I should be wrong to turn you from this marriage.
  What cause can I have to oppose your wishes?
  So fine a match! An excellent good match!
  Mister Tartuffe! Oh ho! No mean proposal!
  Mister Tartuffe, sure, take it all in all,
  Is not a man to sneeze at—oh, by no means!
  'Tis no small luck to be his happy spouse.
  The whole world joins to sing his praise already;
  He's noble—in his parish; handsome too;
  Red ears and high complexion—oh, my lud!
  You'll be too happy, sure, with him for husband.
  MARIANE
  Oh dear! …
  DORINE
  What joy and pride will fill your heart
  To be the bride of such a handsome fellow!
  MARIANE
  Oh, stop, I beg you; try to find some way
  To help break off the match. I quite give in,
  I'm ready to do anything you say.
  DORINE
  No, no, a daughter must obey her father,
  Though he should want to make her wed a monkey.
  Besides, your fate is fine. What could be better!
  You'll take the stage-coach to his little village,
  And find it full of uncles and of cousins,
  Whose conversation will delight you. Then
  You'll be presented in their best society.
  You'll even go to call, by way of welcome,
  On Mrs. Bailiff, Mrs. Tax-Collector,
  Who'll patronise you with a folding-stool.
  There, once a year, at carnival, you'll have
  Perhaps—a ball; with orchestra—two bag-pipes;
  And sometimes a trained ape, and Punch and Judy;
  Though if your husband …
  MARIANE
  Oh, you'll kill me. Please
  Contrive to help me out with your advice.
  DORINE
  I thank you kindly.
  MARIANE
  Oh! Dorine, I beg you …
  DORINE
  To serve you right, this marriage must go through.
  MARIANE
  Dear girl!
  DORINE
  No.
  MARIANE
  If I say I love Valere …
  DORINE
  No, no. Tartuffe's your man, and you shall taste him.
  MARIANE
  You know I've always trusted you; now help me …
  DORINE
  No, you shall be, my faith! Tartuffified.
  MARIANE
  Well, then, since you've no pity for my fate
  Let me take counsel only of despair;
  It will advise and help and give me courage;
  There's one sure cure, I know, for all my troubles.
(She starts to go.)

  DORINE
  There, there! Come back. I can't be angry long.
  I must take pity on you, after all.
  MARIANE
  Oh, don't you see, Dorine, if I must bear
  This martyrdom, I certainly shall die.
  DORINE
  Now don't you fret. We'll surely find some way.
  To hinder this … But here's Valere, your lover.
SCENE IV

VALERE, MARIANE, DORINE

  VALERE
  Madam, a piece of news—quite new to me—
  Has just come out, and very fine it is.
  MARIANE
  What piece of news?
  VALERE
  Your marriage with Tartuffe.
  MARIANE
  'Tis true my father has this plan in mind.
  VALERE
  Your father, madam …
  MARIANE
  Yes, he's changed his plans,
  And did but now propose it to me.
  VALERE
  What!
  Seriously?
  MARIANE
  Yes, he was serious,
  And openly insisted on the match.
  VALERE
  And what's your resolution in the matter,
  Madam?
  MARIANE
  I don't know.
  VALERE
  That's a pretty answer.
  You don't know?
  MARIANE
  No.
  VALERE
  No?
  MARIANE
  What do you advise?
  VALERE
  I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.
  MARIANE
  That's your advice?
  VALERE
  Yes.
  MARIANE
  Do you mean it?
  VALERE
  Surely.
  A splendid choice, and worthy of your acceptance.
  MARIANE
  Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.
  VALERE
  You'll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.
  MARIANE
  No more than you did giving it, be sure.
  VALERE
  I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.
  MARIANE
  And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.
  Dorine (withdrawing to the back of the stage)
  Let's see what this affair will come to.
  VALERE
  So,
  That is your love? And it was all deceit
  When you …
  MARIANE
  I beg you, say no more of that.
  You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept
  The husband that is offered me; and I
  Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so,
  Since you have given me this good advice.
  VALERE
  Don't shield yourself with talk of my advice.
  You had your mind made up, that's evident;
  And now you're snatching at a trifling pretext
  To justify the breaking of your word.
  MARIANE
  Exactly so.
  VALERE
  Of course it is; your heart
  Has never known true love for me.
  MARIANE
  Alas!
  You're free to think so, if you please.
  VALERE
  Yes, yes,
  I'm free to think so; and my outraged love
  May yet forestall you in your perfidy,
  And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.
  MARIANE
  No doubt of it; the love your high deserts
  May win …
  VALERE
  Good Lord, have done with my deserts!
  I know I have but few, and you have proved it.
  But I may find more kindness in another;
  I know of someone, who'll not be ashamed
  To take your leavings, and make up my loss.
  MARIANE
  The loss is not so great; you'll easily
  Console yourself completely for this change.
  VALERE
  I'll try my best, that you may well believe.
  When we're forgotten by a woman's heart,
  Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;
  Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.
  No other way can man such baseness prove,
  As be a lover scorned, and still in love.
  MARIANE
  In faith, a high and noble sentiment.
  VALERE
  Yes; and it's one that all men must approve.
  What! Would you have me keep my love alive,
  And see you fly into another's arms
  Before my very eyes; and never offer
  To someone else the heart that you had scorned?
  MARIANE
  Oh, no, indeed! For my part, I could wish
  That it were done already.
  VALERE
  What! You wish it?
  MARIANE
  Yes.
  VALERE
  This is insult heaped on injury;
  I'll go at once and do as you desire.
(He takes a step or two as if to go away.)

  MARIANE
  Oh, very well then.
  VALERE (turning back)
  But remember this.
  'Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.
  MARIANE
  Of course.
  VALERE (turning back again)
  And in the plan that I have formed
  I only follow your example.
  MARIANE
  Yes.
  VALERE (at the door)
  Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.
  MARIANE
  So much the better.
  VALERE (coming back again)
  This is once for all.
  MARIANE
  So be it, then.
  VALERE (He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns
  around)
  Eh?
  MARIANE
  What?
  VALERE
  You didn't call me?
  MARIANE
  I? You are dreaming.
  VALERE
  Very well, I'm gone. Madam, farewell.
(He walks slowly away.)

  MARIANE
  Farewell, sir.
  DORINE
  I must say
  You've lost your senses and both gone clean daft!
  I've let you fight it out to the end o' the chapter
  To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,
  Mister Valere!
  (She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great
  show of resistance.)
  VALERE
  What do you want, Dorine?
  DORINE
  Come here.
  VALERE
  No, no, I'm quite beside myself.
  Don't hinder me from doing as she wishes.
  DORINE
  Stop!
  VALERE
  No. You see, I'm fixed, resolved, determined.
  DORINE
  So!
  MARIANE (aside)
  Since my presence pains him, makes him go,
  I'd better go myself, and leave him free.
  DORINE (leaving Valere, and running after Mariane)
  Now t'other! Where are you going?
  MARIANE
  Let me be.
  DORINE.
  Come back.
  MARIANE
  No, no, it isn't any use.
  VALERE (aside)
  'Tis clear the sight of me is torture to her;
  No doubt, t'were better I should free her from it.
  DORINE (leaving Mariane and running after Valere)
  Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.
  Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.
(She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.)

  VALERE (to Dorine)
  What's your idea?
  MARIANE (to Dorine)
  What can you mean to do?
  DORINE
  Set you to rights, and pull you out o' the scrape.
  (To Valere)
  Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?
  VALERE
  Didn't you hear the things she said to me?
  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?
  MARIANE
  Didn't you see the way he treated me?
  DORINE
  Fools, both of you.
  (To Valere)
  She thinks of nothing else
  But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.
  (To Mariane)
  And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing
  But just to marry you, I stake my life on't.
  MARIANE (to Valere)
  Why did you give me such advice then, pray?
  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Why ask for my advice on such a matter?
  DORINE
  You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.
  (To Valere)
  Come, yours.
  VALERE (giving Dorine his hand)
  What for?
  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Now, yours.
  MARIANE (giving Dorine her hand)
  But what's the use?
  DORINE
  Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you—
  You love each other better than you think.
  (Valere and Mariane hold each other's hands some time without looking
  at each other.)
  VALERE (at last turning toward Mariane)
  Come, don't be so ungracious now about it;
  Look at a man as if you didn't hate him.
(Mariane looks sideways toward Valere, with just a bit of a smile.)

  DORINE
  My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!
  VALERE (to Mariane)
  But come now, have I not a just complaint?
  And truly, are you not a wicked creature
  To take delight in saying what would pain me?
  MARIANE
  And are you not yourself the most ungrateful … ?
  DORINE
  Leave this discussion till another time;
  Now, think how you'll stave off this plaguy marriage.
  MARIANE
  Then tell us how to go about it.
  DORINE
  Well,
  We'll try all sorts of ways.
  (To Mariane)
  Your father's daft;
  (To Valere)
  This plan is nonsense.
  (To Mariane)
  You had better humour
  His notions by a semblance of consent,
  So that in case of danger, you can still
  Find means to block the marriage by delay.
  If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.
  One day you'll fool them with a sudden illness,
  Causing delay; another day, ill omens:
  You've met a funeral, or broke a mirror,
  Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,
  They cannot marry you to anyone
  Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,
  They mustn't find you chattering together.
  (To Valere)
  You, go at once and set your friends at work
  To make him keep his word to you; while we
  Will bring the brother's influence to bear,
  And get the step-mother on our side, too.
  Good-bye.
  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Whatever efforts we may make,
  My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.
  MARIANE (to Valere)
  I cannot answer for my father's whims;
  But no one save Valere shall ever have me.
  VALERE
  You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes …
  DORINE
  Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!
  Now go.
  VALERE (starting to go, and coming back again)
  One last word …
  DORINE
  What a gabble and pother!
  Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t'other.
(She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.)